He is the one named Sailor Paul
by IceCrome
Summary: Crackfic. Paul's pokemon learn the horrible truth that he...is Sailor Moon. OS.


_Ah…thank you Daniel. I am embracing Sailor Moon as a fandom now. As you can see._

_OOC, obviously. _

_© Satoshi Taijiri, T.V. Tokyo, The Pokémon Company_

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Paul had many secrets.

Many secrets that he knew Reiji, Ash, and his Pokémon would all taunt him, and make him feel like even more of a douchebag.

In a small part of Sendoff Spring, he and his Pokémon were training hard and long to finish off Volkner of Sunnyshore. Despite Torterra having a type advantage, Octillery was still a force to be reckoned with due to the type advantage.

So, Paul was teaching them new dodging moves. He had (against his will) taken advice from Dawn and taught his Pokémon some of her dodging techniques because, even though he would never admit it in a thousand years, she had a good technique.

"No. No. You're doing it wrong. You have to spin out of the way, Torterra!" Torterra gave his trainer a look mixed with despair and annoyance. Honchkrow sat on Torterra's back, cocking his head at Paul.

"Krow?" Translation: "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I know I seem a bit…off, but you should damn well know that it's my last gym badge before going to the Conference. I'm antsy, that's all." Paul had never been the apologetic type, but Torterra decided to kill it dead and practice some more.

Paul rubbed his temples with his index fingers. He was getting awfully frustrated, and when he gets frustrated, he gets frustrated.

"No, no, no, no, no! Look, I'll show you." He took out a pink…pen-thing and went still for a second. Oh god, he was about to reveal his innermost secret to his Pokémon.

Well…as long as he could show them how to do it.

He looked around, and out the small tunnel that led to the sendoff spring. Nobody was around, thank god…

"Alright." He held up the pen, and Torterra gave him a strange look. Oh god, what was going on…?

"MOON PRISM POWER!" The entire Spring went into a trick-room state, and Paul spun around and around and around in rainbow colors, and Torterra and Honchkrow had their jaws wide open trying to comprehend the fact that their trainer was dancing around, naked, in rainbow colors. Slowly, clothes began to form (Form? What the hell?) around his body, gloves coming onto his hands and his hair being put into an odango-style style, with two red ornaments around the buns.

He saluted the air, and both the Pokémon, jaws still wide open and eyes slightly twitching. Their male trainer was cross-dressing as a teenage girl who saved the world with her four sidekicks and a guy in a tuxedo and a mask and her weird daughter.

Yeah.

You'd be freaked out too.

"Okay, like this. Honchkrow, attack me with Shadow Ball." Honchkrow blinked rapidly, and its jaw was still hanging wide open.

"…Honchkrow! That's an order!" His miniskirt bobbed as he said that.

"Krow…" Translation: "Okay then, you freaking transvestite."

Honchkrow powered up a Shadow ball, and fired it at Paul, who defied gravity and physics by jump-spinning out of the way.

"See? Like that. Only retract in and spin away." Torterra smacked his head repeatedly against the wall, and tried valiantly (but unsuccessfully) to get the image of Paul in a miniskirt out of his brain. Sadly, it wasn't working.

Before Paul could try some new tactics, the sky darkened and a menacing figure appeared standing on the edge of the spring.

"Now I have found you Sailor Moon! I will take over your energy and destroy you and the…wait…what the hell? Who are you?" Random Henchman number 1 said, looking down at the boy, whose purple hair was elongated, bleached blonde, and put in an odango-style.

"I'm Paul. I'm uh…a Pokémon trainer."

"Then why the _hell_ are you dressed up like Sailor moon?!"

"Uhm…I ran into some girl who looked like what I do now…she threw the pen at me and said 'My world's finally saved, for the love of God, _you_ just take it! I've got a family to raise!' But um…then she realized that the cat she had next to her could just make her another one by magically appearing it from its butt."

"…Ookay. Anyway, I'm going to take your energy."

"Like hell you are! Moon Tiara MAGIC!" He threw the tiara on his head at the henchman, and the henchman avoided the attack by teleporting away.

"Well damn. I thought that would work."

The evil henchman laughed.

"Time to take your energy!"

* * *

Dawn gasped aloud, and Ash and Brock turned to her.

"Dawn, are you okay? You seemed pretty shocked there." Brock asked, checking her eyes to see if she was okay.

"No, no I'm fine. I'm going to go to Sendoff Spring and see if I can catch any cool Pokémon. I'll catch you guys later, alright?"

The two of them looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Okay, but yell as loud as you can if something happens." Ash said, grinning cheekily.

"Will do. Alright, catch you guys later!"

* * *

"Oh crap…I'm dying." Paul was on the ground. His Pokémon were still too freaked out about the entire situation to really do anything. I mean, their trainer was in a miniskirt.

A _miniskirt_!

Paul was losing energy fast, and threw his tiara again. He fell on the ground and collapsed.

_ROSE._

"Don't worry Sailor…uh…Moon! You can do it." Paul looked up to see a person with blue hair, wearing a top hat, a tuxedo, and a white masquerade mask. He/she held a rose in his/her left hand, and a long rod (innuendo) in their right.

"…Ookay then…Moon Tiara MAGIC! And work this time, dammit!" He threw the tiara in the general direction of the bad guy, and the person in the mask and tuxedo threw a rose at them.

"Ow! That hurt…I mean, I'm not dying or anything but man! That stings!" The evil henchman was hit by Paul/Sailor Moon's 'tiara magic' and was instantly killed.

"Thanks Mister or Missus tuxedo mask!" Paul said, but he was talking to air. 'Tuxedo Mask' had disappeared.

"…Okay, anyway. Torterra, do you see what I did? You retract inside your shell, and spin away from the attack."

"…Krow?!" Translation: "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!"

* * *

Dawn ran as fast as she could to Valor Lakefront to where her friends were staying. She wore a heavy blush, because she had seen Paul cross-dress.

Seriously.

She would _so _blog that.

* * *

"HAHA! OH MY GOD, YOU'RE KIDDING ME!" Reiji fell back in his chair, wiping tears from his eyes while Paul wore a heavy blush from embarrassment, and crossed his arms, trying desperately to not commit fratricide.

"THERE, THERE IS NO WAY IN ARCEUS'S EXSISTENCE THAT YOU ARE SAILOR MOON! OH MY GOD!" Reiji stood up again, but immediately fell down once more.

"I hate you so much…"

* * *

_Am I the only one who would think that to be absolutely hilarious? I mean really._

_Come on. _

_COME ON!_

_Oh, and Dawn 'gasped' because in the Anime, Mamoru somehow knows when, where, and how Sailor Moon/Usagi is in trouble. He has these werid...stroke-things._


End file.
